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| 2008-06-26 23:51 |
| I like writing "open letters" to anonymous recipients. |
| Public |
 agitated |
| venting |
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1. I wish I had the courage -- or whatever the hell it is that I lack -- to tell you that you're a freak. You're not normal, nowhere near it in fact! You need help and I wish you'd accept it. You're going to wind up alone and insane otherwise.
2. Why the hell do I care what you do? We're both adults. Just because we were "friends" in our past doesn't mean we always will be. I guess I just don't like letting go, even when I know there's nothing there (nor has there been for quite a while).
3. Seriously, if I never had to talk to, or deal with you ever again for the rest of my life, I don't think I'd miss you at all. You're neurotic, but what's worse is you're mean. I hate mean people.
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| 2008-04-14 22:45 |
| I just want to scream. |
| Public |
| angry |
| venting |
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I wish I would just tell you how much of a freak I think you are. You are unbelievable. I didn't know one person could have many things wrong with them. Especially all at once.
These next 11 days can't go by quickly enough.
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| 2008-04-02 22:48 |
| @#$%^&*!!!!!!11one!11! |
| Public |
| bitchy |
| venting |
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She makes me so angry. So so so so angry. It's way past the "annoyance" stage.
I don't believe I've ever met someone so selfish, immature, spoiled, ridiculous and annoying -- ALL AT ONCE -- before.
I hate how I feel the anger bubble up inside. It literally feels like fire inside me sometimes. I just want to yell at her. I want to yell at her and tell her all the things she does that makes it just about impossible for me to live with her. I honestly don't know what is stopping me from doing it. I do. not. know.
I am overjoyed that I'll be graduating in 22 days. Holy shit, you don't even know.
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| 2008-03-18 21:56 |
| Grawr! |
| Public |
| frustrated |
| "Biding My Time" ~ Pink Floyd |
| venting |
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Do you ever do work? I mean, seriously, do you? I never see you doing homework. I never see you studying.
I see you playing the Sims 70% of the time, and online games (like Sudoko and Uno) 10% of the time, chatting/flirting online 10% of the time, and sleeping the other 10%.
I honestly do not know how you continue to pass your classes. I'm really curious to see your GPA. Especially with all those classes you've dropped.
I really do like you less and less every single day, and it only makes me sad because I remember what it was like to be friends with you before you drove me completely insane.
I've got A LOT of shit on my mind right now, I really, really do not need more from you. Thanks.
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| 2008-02-02 05:22 |
| Oy vey. |
| Public |
 exhausted |
| venting |
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Just when I think things are back to "normal," you go batshit crazy on me.
Please don't do this. I hate it a lot.
I don't really want to spend the next 3 months avoiding you and being frustrated with you.
Maybe I'm selfish or pretentious or something, but I really don't think this has anything to do with me. It's all you, as far as I can see.
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| 2008-01-11 20:49 |
| I think I should feel bad about feeling this way, but I don't. |
| Public |
| stressed |
| "Tiny Little Fractures" ~ Snow Patrol |
| thoughts, venting |
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When I said I like you less and less every day, I wasn't kidding.
I'm not looking forward to you coming back on Sunday. I wish I could just keep on being by myself. A single room would be so great right now.
I don't know how I'm going to make it through this last semester. I guess it's good that I'll be gone until 3:30/4pm every day. Is it too mean to say that I hope you have afternoon/evening classes? Or at least I hope you get out of the room more often. Go hang out with Hannah and Josh. Maybe I should make it a point to go over to Amanda and Christie's more often. Getting out will be good for me. Mostly so I won't go crazy and want to kill yell at you.
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| 2007-11-19 02:03 |
| Relationships ARE a series of complex games. |
| Public |
| frustrated |
| venting |
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Why do I feel like such a complete ass?
So many things you do annoy me. They frustrate me. I am this close to losing it and ranting and getting angry at you.
But I don't really WANT to do that.
How am I ever going to live with someone for the rest of my life?! I get agitated by even my best friends when living with them. I guess it would be different if I wasn't stuck in the same, tiny room all the time.
I just want April 26th to be here now. :(
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| 2007-11-13 11:21 |
| I can't really take it anymore. |
| Public |
| frustrated |
| venting |
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I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. It needed to be said.
But I think I said too much in that comment. That's why I deleted it. I know you'll still read it, and probably still be upset. I won't say I'm sorry, because I'm not. It needed to be said.
I just wish you wouldn't be so upset about hearing the truth.
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| 2007-11-06 11:04 |
| I don't need more frustration right now. |
| Public |
| venting |
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Sometimes, I really don't understand you.
Every Tuesday/Thursday I go to class, come back and shower before lunch.
You stay in bed until I get back, usually about 10:45-11:00am.
So, today, when I say I'm going to shower, you freak out and say no, you need to shower first. You have a teacher's name written down and the time 11:45am next to it. But you can't remember what day that's even for, or what it means exactly.
So instead of getting up while I'm in class so you can have plenty of time to shower and be ready, you sleep.
I usually don't care what the hell you do, but you know I have class at 12:30pm. You know I have lab and work afterwards. You know I need to take my shower and eat lunch in the small window of time I have between my two classes.
Sometimes I just wish you were more thoughtful of others.
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| 2007-10-23 03:53 |
| Silence is golden. |
| Public |
| sleepy |
| venting |
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I just want some quiet, alone, ME time.
I don't really mind your music, or you being here...it's just I'm so used to being alone. I miss that. And our schedules don't conflict, so when I have free time here in the room, so do you.
It might sound mean, but sometimes I wish it wasn't that way.
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| 2007-10-04 03:50 |
| To two seperate "you"s.. |
| Public |
 sad |
| "My Confession" ~ Josh Groban |
| venting |
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1. You're not infallible. Please stop acting like you are. It does hurt my feelings when you disregard half of what I say. It is okay to be wrong sometimes.
2. I really appreciate it when you keep your word. It hurts my feelings when you say you'll do something and then you don't, and you don't even really seem very sorry about it. Sometimes I feel like you don't even realize it upsets me.
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| 2007-10-01 04:35 |
| Insecurties, they run rampant in my head. |
| Public |
 depressed |
| venting |
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He sent me a MySpace message apologizing for not calling me. He sent it about 11:40pm, I replied right before midnight. About twenty minutes later I see he's still "online now" on MySpace. He's read the message, but didn't reply. He said he was going to bed, but obviously hadn't yet.
Why am I so fucking paranoid? I automatically assume that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.
Why should I think that? It's almost as if I'm just waiting for it to happen, that I expect it to happen. :(
But then when he does actually write to me, he calls me sweetheart, and tells me to call him whenever I want to talk to him and is generally very sweet to me.
Yet I am afraid that he says these things because he thinks it's what I want him to say. In a way, I guess that'd be right. But above all that, I want him to do what he wants. If he doesn't want to do this, I don't want him to.
Now I know that he can't be "mine" while I'm here, and I get that. That's okay. But I miss talking to him. We used to talk all the time. I am perfectly content to just be his friend.
Ugh.
I hate being so emotionally confused. I have enough problems with that sort of stuff on my own, I don't need an unspecified relationship to make it worse.
I wonder sometimes if it would be better if we weren't still friends? If I knew we definitely were not talking, would I be less upset?
No, I wouldn't.
I would be very sad. I like him a lot, and I hate the thought of completely cutting him out of my life. But I'm afraid that's what he wants, what he will do.
And if he does, I'll survive. I'll be sad about it for a while, but I'll move on.
I just hate that whatever the hell it was we had ended only because I left for school. But then, of course, I start wondering what things would be like if we were still both up there. Would he still want me? Would he still like me? Would he have time for me?
Why do I dwell on shit like that when it doesn't even matter, because I'm not there?
I need to fin a way to tell him that I'm fine with just being friends. Things can go back to how they were before I came home for the summer, can't they? Or at least they can go back to something like that. There's gotta be something between what we had at home and what we have now, right?
I need to sleep. I wish my dreams would take me away to him.
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| 2007-09-30 20:41 |
| You know what's really nice? |
| Public |
| somewhat disappointed |
| "I Will Buy You A New Life" ~ Everclear |
| venting |
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When someone says they'll call you back, and they actually do.
I'm not letting it bother me much, though. I told him it was just calling to say hi, and to see how he was doing. He's spending time with his family, and that's good. It's no big deal if he doesn't call me back tonight.
Even though I really wanted to talk to him.
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| 2007-09-28 20:54 |
| This only adds to my confusion. |
| Public |
| melancholy |
| confused, venting |
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He sent me a MySpace message last night. This was all it said:
Emotions suck....
I replied asking him if something was wrong...I'm not really sure what he meant.
Part of me (the part I don't usually like) was off daydreaming today about what he might have meant. Perhaps he meant that he still has feelings for me, even though he "shouldn't," because we both knew that when I came back to school, things had to end. But now he realizes he can't let go of his feelings so easily...
But then the rational part of me says "Self, shut the fuck up."
I hope he responds quickly, just so I don't lose my fucking mind arguing with myself!
On a completely different topic...The world does not center around you. You do not have to be part of all my conversations. If you missed what I was saying, it's okay because I was telling her, not you. Finally, it's okay to be wrong. It is impossible to be right all of the time. Your opinion is not right, either. It's an opinion. Just because mine differs from yours doesn't mean one is better or worse than the other.
At least I have an icon that keeps me smiling.
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| 2007-09-27 01:40 |
| I don't wanna live inside this daydream anymore, I just wanna be happy again. |
| Public |
 cold |
| "Otis Redding" ~ Everclear (stuck in my head) |
| thoughts, venting |
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Why can't I tell you all the things I'm thinking and feeling? Why is this always so hard for me?
I need to just get over myself and do this shit.
I need to find a way to be more confident, self-assured and competent.
Pining is not the answer.
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| 2007-09-23 00:32 |
| I won't let myself feel guilty. |
| Public |
 okay |
| venting |
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They invited me, not you.
I know you'd like to come. But then you'd probably whine about feeling uncomfortable. I'm not in the mood to listen to that.
Plus, I want some time to socialize with my friends. Time that doesn't include you.
If that makes me a bad friend, then so be it.
I'm going to have fun tonight,and I'm not going to feel bad about not telling you why I went to the pool hall.
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| 2007-09-20 18:06 |
| FTW. |
| Public |
 confused |
| venting |
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I don't understand you.
For days you talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. You don't stop. Even when I want quiet, and when I want to be left alone, you talk.
Now, when I'm feeling okay, you won't talk. You refuse. I ask what's wrong and you just shrug.
I don't know which is more frustrating.
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